There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
