yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
