Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
