I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
