i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
