Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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