1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
handjob tips. give me some.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
