It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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