It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
