Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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