is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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