At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
