Porn is love you can see.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
