I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
