do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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