While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
