i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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