Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drunk is not a location!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
