Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
