I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
