I heard we made out
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
