Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
