He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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