Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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