Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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