Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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