At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
