What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
