new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
