can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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