I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
