So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize