every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
