the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
