going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
