i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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