he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
