Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
