Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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