Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
