She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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