I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
