While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
