My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
