Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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