Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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