I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
