so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
