If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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