Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
