VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
