I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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