nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just want nice things and good sex
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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