you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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