i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's always time for handjobs
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
