That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
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