you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
