it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
