Farmville is her only friend.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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