I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Randomize
