I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
