So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
