i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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