then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
