Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
another moral hangover. fuck.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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