Kiss
Puke
I wish I only lived at night.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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